Jeremy, I say to Jeremy, don’t you find this situation…
A little trying on your nerves?
A little inconvenient?
Oh well, says Jeremy to me, one mustn’t complain, and you know the customer services girl was really quite polite about the whole thing and promised me a full refund.
Yes, I say to Jeremy, but this is most definitely not a parakeet.
No, says Jeremy to me, it does not indeed look as though as it is a parakeet, but those are the trials of this new fangled online shopping, and do you know I can’t find the website now anyway so it doesn’t matter.
But Jeremy, I say to Jeremy, this thing has … scales and teeth and things. Jeremy, it’s making a meal of you.
Yes, Jeremy says to me, but you know one doesn’t necessarily need two arms; my grandfather managed very well with just one, after the war you know, and besides its my left one so I don’t use it as much.
It’s a shame about the carpet though, he adds.
After a while I say to Jeremy, so you never got the refund then? And take a sip of tea. And wait. And politely ignore the crunching noises.